Arnold Drummond 1968-2010

      Quite a life that Arnold Drummond had.  Starting with being adopted with his brother Willis on a basketball court in Harlem, Arnold taught children of all races that it's OK to leave you're roots behind after one year removed from them.
      That fateful day in Harlem when a black stretch limousine pulled up to the courts and an old white man waved them on in, like any red-blooded American child would, they threw caution to the wind and climbed into that leather interior armed only with a basketball and the hopes that this old white man was not just adding them to a collection of exotic creatures.  Mr Drummond, later known as "dad" after much resistance from the older, jaded Willis, took them in as if they were his own, much to the delight of his own daughter Kimberly who when first encountered with Arnold and Willis exclaimed "can we keep them daddy", nary a racist bone in her lily white character.

     The moment he sat on that slippery looking brown leather couch, Arnold knew he was not only home, but that he would milk this cracker for everything he was worth.  While adjusting quite nicely to his new environment, despite a brief issue of bed wetting (which turned out to be a hoax on his part), Arnold finally got Willis on board, and with adorable little cheeks and dash-cunning intellect began to exploit the exploiter.  They sucked Drummond for everything they could get their Harlem Hands on, even an interview for the prestigious Digby School for Boys Who Wear Beanies.
     Arnold gathered some friends along the way but gained a steadfast ally when he befriended Dudley.  Dudley had issues of his own, even going so far as to make up stories about how his gigantic toothed (Dudley loved the story about how at family bbq's his father would bite a cheeseburger through a chain link fence) adoptive father beat him.  Along with Dudley, Arnold frequently hung out with Robby, a white kid with an awful sinus problem, and Abraham, most likely named after Abraham Lincoln which keeps up with the shows racial them.  There was also Kathy who had no other friends, not because she was handicapped and 14 inches tall, but because she was a bitch and called everyone she encountered a "turkey."  Following the circus sideshow type friend base, Arnold had a brief friendship with Gordon Jump who despite appearances as a creepy white dude with a camera and a fetish for little boys, actually turned out to creepy white dude with a camera with a fetish for colored boys.
   With this constant change in his life, it was no help that Mr Drummond could not keep a housekeeper for more than 2 years, for still undisclosed reasons.  Mrs Garrett, Pearl, and Adelade were all unavailable to speak with me, but we do know that Pearl is yet to be taken to trial for the murder of The Gooch (real name unknown).  Then, in what would certainly have been the death blow to anyone but the resilient Arnold Drummond, Mr Drummond came home one day with his new redneck wife and her hillbilly ginger kid.  However, seizing every opportunity to befriend anyone who may be a threat to his inheritance, Arnold got along famously with Sam and Maggie, until they're strange and sudden disappearance after that 'little redheaded prick' finished a gig at the only country bar in all of New York City.
     After the death of Kimberly, Arnold just wasn't the same, and with Willis constantly on the run from the law he found solace in more high-profile friends such as Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Too Tall Jones, and Mr T.  The celebrity life proved to be too much for Drummond, and today we honor him by simultaneously pouring a pitcher of water on our mattresses at 11 PM eastern standard time...Rest in peace Arnold Jackson-Drummond.

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