Why is Yoko Ono still alive?

I'm giving you fair warning...I'm about to ask a lot of questions..
With all the musical geniuses we've lost, we are still stuck with the unfortunate burden of knowing that SHE is still among us. We have to deal with her awful handling of everything Lennon since his way-to-early death in 1980, as well as the era leading up to the Beatles parting ways & John's solo career. Now I am under no circumstances delusional enough to think that she was THE reason for the breakup of the most innovative and pioneering band of our time. Paul McCartney should be ordained a saint for dealing with her, Michael Jackson buying the Beatles catalog, AND that horses ass that married him and then ran..(create you're own leg joke) off with half his money.
She insists on putting albums out, by some fucked up proxy, and every time I have the unfortunate luck of hearing some piece of "music" she made I can't help but wonder how many cats she had to set on fire to get just the right pitch.
Enough about that. The real question is, do certain musicians HAVE to die young in order for their legacy to survive? Would Kurt Cobain have turned to pop-punk once the grunge era took a downward turn into the millennium? Now, we know that Cobain became overwhelmed with fame and hated being the poster boy for grunge and the millions of Cardigan sweater wearing fed-up-with-stuff teens that hung on his every word like the Seattle Messiah, so I'm gonna venture to say no. But we'll never know. Did the J-27's (Jimi, Jim, and Janis all died at 27) get taken from us so that they're mystique would take on a life of it's own and keep them in the hearts and minds of their fans, including ones who weren't even alive to mourn their death (like myself.) Would Janis Joplin have drank herself into obscurity after releasing a number of un-listenable blues albums, after driving Big Brother and the Holding Company to separate themselves from her altogether? Would Jim Morrison have gone to prison for vehicular homicide after killing a fan while drunk driving? Would Jimi Hendrix have gone on a permanent trip after putting a bad tab of acid in his headband before a performance at the Hollywood Bowl and become the butt of decades of vegetable jokes? I of course wasn't around while the J-27's were alive, so I can't say if their legend was already intact before they passed on, like say John Lennon, Freddy Mercury, or Michael Jackson. Was Joplin's groundbreaking role as a female lead singer of a rock band enough to put her in the books as a great, or Morrison's volatile stage performances, or Hendrix's left handed virtuosity?
Did Biggie and Tupac HAVE to get murdered in order for the media myth of the East Coast-West Coast war to come to an end? As tragic as the loss of Cliff Burton was, did he have to get killed in a bus crash in Sweden in order for Metallica to become the most popular metal band of all time? What would the Sex Pistols be today if Sid Vicious was around to self mutilate, or beat the shit out of Nancy Spungen for the last 30 years? (Side note: I just found out that Otis Redding was only 26 when he died...i thought he was much older.. ) It's easy for our generation to say Dimebag was already a guitar legend, and I'm not arguing that he wasn't, but was Pantera the type of band that our kids will listen to and say "fuck I wish I lived in the 90's!" Would Lou Diamond Phillips had the opportunity to be in Young Guns or Stand and Deliver if Richie Valens hadn't died at a ridiculous 17 years old, along with the Big Bopper and Buddy Holly on "the day the music died?" (I'm going to pat myself on the back for working Lou Diamond Phillips into this..6 degrees?)
The one death that gets the least attention, and the one that may be one of the most important, and certainly one of the most perplexing, is that of the 27 year old Robert Johnson. Never before or since has a musician been so shrouded in mystery. The legend goes that Johnson met the devil at a crossroads, (one version places it in Clarkesdale Mississippi, the other in Memphis, Tennessee) and bartered his soul for his incredible guitar skills. It seems if you ask ten different people to tell you the story of Robert Johnson, you'll most likely get eleven different answers. And his ghost seems to haunt many blues greats. Eric Clapton has been quoted as calling Johnson "the most important blues musician that ever lived." The Rolling Stones are among other legends in their own right who have translated the few recordings we do have of Johnson into covers such as "Stop Breaking Down" on Exile on Main St. But who deserves the credit? Since Johnson was imitating Son House, is it House who deserves the praise? Since Robert Plant was so influenced by Johnson, and some say without Led Zepplin there would be no Heavy Metal, is Son House the "Father of Heavy Metal?" (No offense to Ozzy fans, I'm just talking.)
So since I started this post I had two wisdom teeth pulled and I seemed to have lost my entire train of thought...so you'll have to excuse me if I go off on some tangents....
A few other losses to the music world that I have always had a personal feeling of being robbed by death are those of Bob Marley and Bradley Nowell. I won't go into the "what may have become of..." part of this rambling, I'll just say it sucks they're not here, and I wish they were.
In the interest of not pissing too many people off, I"ll just mention the names of others we lost too soon. Layne Stanley, Duane Allman, John Bohnam, Kieth Moon, Shannon Hoon, Ol' Dirty, Michael Jackson, Aaliyah, Left Eye, Michael Hutchence, everyone we lost in the Skynrd tragedy (Ronnie Van Zant, Steve Gaines, Cassie Gaines,Dean Kilpatrick, Walter Mcreary, William Gray), Jerry Garcia, Proof, John Denve, Randy Rhodes, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Jam Master Jay, Marvin Gaye, The King Elvis Presley, Freaky Tah, and I know how many more there are but in the name of boring you to tears for any longer...
Tracing the origins of any type of music, or band, or album will always be subject to debate. Rivalries seem to always bring forth the best of artists, whether it's a direct attack on someone, the result of a band breakup, or simple jealousy and a need to out-do someone else's work. Is it true that Sgt. Peppers was a response to The Beach Boys Pet Sounds, because John Lennon was actually jealous of Brian Wilson? Some Beatles die-hards will scoff at the very notion, there is however a great number of people who claim to know first hand that it is fact. While Dave Mustane will forever be known as the guy that got kicked out of Metallica, if he hadn't would we have gotten Peace Sells? Or would Lars have thrown a passive-agressive temper tantrum and refused to play on the track or pull some other fucking shenanigans he's infamous for.
Hip hop has spawned some of the greatest rivalries in music, and subsequently turned out some of the artist's best work. Dr. Dre vs Eazy-E produced "Dre Day", Biggie vs Tupac brought about "Hit Em Up" (to which Big never responded which will always piss me off), from the Nas vs Jay-Z feud came "Ether" and "The Takeover" among other ego-slicing hymns. Of course rap is rooted in diss records from the days of KRS-One vs Marley Marl, Kool Moe Dee vs LL Cool J. It used to be how one showed mic supremacy, but in the last decade plus has turned vicious and often violent, or been alleged media stunts (50 vs Game?) Cypress Hill vs Ice Cube, Ice Cube vs NWA, Eminem & 50 Cent vs Anyone Who Put An Album Out From 1999 - now, LL vs Canibus, and the list goes on and on and on, and it's kinda fun listing them all, sorry if I lost you.
Im gonna stop now.


  1. ok...this is strange because I was just having this conversation on the drive down to Florida about what would have become of Kurt Cobain and John Lennon had they not been taken too early...did you bug my car?!?!?!